This is a letter from a mother who watched her child go the way of the world, dealt with the heartbreak that comes with that, and has seen them return. This was written not only because of the things the family went through during the Prodigal's journey to the "far country", but also because of the things they are going through after the Prodigal's return.
"The Lord has been working on my heart for a few months now, even before his return, to talk about what's happened with our oldest son.
A year ago, he announced to us, at barely 16, that he felt we were bad parents, and he moved 1,200 miles away. Our lives changed completely and our family was shattered.
Over the next few months we went through all the stages of grief, and then repeated a few of them over and over again. However, unlike someone who loses a child to death, we weren't allowed to grieve openly. We had to carry on and pretend our hearts weren't ripped out of our chests. Every birthday, every holiday, every time we passed his favorite restaurant or his favorite hangout- all those things would bring that grief back again. It was agonizing!
Then he came back.
Now, it's a whole new set of struggles for us all.
The story of the Prodigal is a well used example of repentance behind every pulpit, but the Bible never tells you what kind of toll it took on the family- before or after his return. It shows you how to celebrate their return, but not how to handle their absence or what happens after the return celebration is over.
But, here we are prayerfully taking it one day at a time.
We have an epidemic in our churches. My son isn't the only Prodigal out there. I have spoken with many in the ministry- missionaries, evangelists, etc- that travel all over and they all say this is happening in every church.
Social media isn't to blame, but it's making it even easier for the modern Prodigal to slip away in the world and away from the parents that love them so much. It's just a sign of the times.
However, I am speaking as a mother with this experience, and I have three suggestions to those who are watching someone go through this.
1) Just love and pray for the family- don't judge them.
Parenting is tough! We are all doing the best we can. I have heard some pretty cruel comments from people about where we must have gone wrong. Believe me, Satan is working on the parents hard enough, and we don't need anyone else assisting him! Any child can fall away from their upbringing- no one is exempt.
2) Listen to them at church, but don't ask questions.
Don't ask us how our wayward child is doing. Or, if we've heard from them. If we have something new to share with everyone then we will make a public update.
We come to church as our safe place so we can hear what the Lord has laid on our pastor's heart. When people ask for updates, then our thoughts are now steered away from the message that we so desperately need, and focused back on our troubles instead.
That takes a huge emotional toll on us!
3) If the Prodigal does return- rejoice!
That is the example set forth in the Bible. Remember, they are sinners just like each of us and they need to be in church.
I have seen both reactions out of people- one is rejoicing like the Prodigal's father, and the other is passing judgement like the self-righteous brother. We need to follow the example of the father.
If this Prodigal was a visitor walking through the church doors, how would we treat them? The only difference is, the Prodigal has just had their sins aired out for everyone to hear about, and the visitor doesn't.
The Prodigal has just taken some scary steps to come back, and they bring with them the lasting effects from the consequences of their sins. We don't need to beat them down more! And, as far as that goes, we don't need to badger the Prodigal with nosy questions about their sins, why they left, what they did, etc. It's none of our business! They should be allowed the same privilege we are given- putting it under the blood and encouragement to move on.
Look, if we parents can find a way to forgive them and work toward moving past the hurt then everyone else can, too!
Just remember- we prayed for their return; so let's not push them away. They need to be here in church. My son needs to be around good singing and under good preaching. He needs to be able to come back to his home church."
-JAB
