The Weights Of Life (video sermon)

 

Abuse And How To Handle It

There have been growing reports of abuse in Catholic church and Southern Baptist Convention made against clergy. Just become someone is in a position in the church does not mean they aren't still a sinner.

When a person gets saved, their soul is saved from an eternity in hell, but their body is not saved from the sin nature. This means they are not perfect and they face their share of temptations. Should they choose to indulge in the temptations, they have sinned against God and man- they should not be protected.

There are also reports of church lawyers telling the victims to remain quiet. In no way, shape, or form should this be the guidance given to a victim of assault - whether sexual or physical. A person in an abusive marriage should not remain married and quiet about the situation, or they and their children could up a casualty. It is never safe to stay in an abusive situation!

Some theologians may say that you do not have biblical license to divorce for physical abuse; you should pray and ask the Lord what to do in this situation. I have done a three part study on what they Bible says about Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage, which you can read here. But regardless as to whether you stay married or divorce, you should separate and file charges.

As far as sexual assault goes, there is clear direction in the Bible.

Deuteronomy 22:25-27- But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter: For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.

A rapist is worthy of death.

Leviticus 20:13- If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Homosexuality is worthy of death, therefore someone who has sodomized another in an assault should be killed.

It doesn't matter what type of rape has occurred, the person who committed the offense should be killed.
Exodus 21:16- And he that stealeth a man, and selleth him, or if he be found in his hand, he shall surely be put to death.

Whether the person is taking a person and selling them as a slave or as a sexual transaction, that person is committing a sin worthy of the death penalty.

Here is an excerpt from an officer who deals with abuse victims. This is how it usually begins.

​Predators “hook” their prey first. Slowly. Intentionally. Psychologically.

Here’s what the conversations often look like in the real world:

Step 1: Isolation

They work to separate the ​person emotionally from their​ friends and family.

• “Your parents don’t really understand you.”

• “You’re way more mature than they treat you.”

• “Nobody knows you like I do.”

• “You can trust me. Not them.”

The goal is simple: make the ​person feel misunderstood at home and understood by the predator.

Next comes sympathy and emotional dependence.

• “My puppy died and I don’t know how to cope.”

• “My grandma is sick and she’s all I have.”

• “You’re the only person I can talk to.”

Now the ​person feels responsible for the emotional survival of a stranger. That’s a powerful hook for a developing brain.

Step 3: Control Through Fear or Anger

Once emotional leverage exists, pressure begins.

• “If you don’t respond, I’ll be really upset.”

• “If you don’t send this, something bad could happen to your family.”

• “You’ll ruin everything if you tell anyone.”

This is Control 101. It works on adults. Kids stand even less of a chance against it.

Reality Check​- This happens to thousands o​f people. A predator doesn't even need to be physically present anymore; all they need​ is a phone, patience, and psychology.

Officer Gomez

So, what does one do if they find themselves in this situation? If you can get out before anything bad happens, then do so. Ask for help from friends and family to get away from the predator.

Should you find yourself already trapped and being abused, the first step is to verify the accusation. If you are hearing about the crime, you need to verify it before just accusing a person.

Exodus 23:1- Thou shalt not raise a false report: put not thine hand with the wicked to be an unrighteous witness.

Deuteronomy 1917-19- Then both the men, between whom the controversy is, shall stand before the LORD, before the priests and the judges, which shall be in those days; And the judges shall make diligent inquisition: and, behold, if the witness be a false witness, and hath testified falsely against his brother; Then shall ye do unto him, as he had thought to have done unto his brother: so shalt thou put the evil away from among you.

You don't want to just follow a "believe them no matter what" philosophy. That could get you into a lot of trouble. Make certain before you bring an accusation!

If you are the victim, get a rape kit done immediately. These are not pleasant, but they will be able to confirm whether a rape has actually occurred. If there was no protection used, you will also have the DNA of the assailant.

Second step is to file a police report. This can sometimes be done simultaneously with the rape kit.
Do not change your clothes. Do not wash up. Do not remove any evidence.

Make certain you have proof and get a lawyer to file charges. The police should be able to recommend a lawyer who specializes in such cases.

Do not remain silent or you are enabling the predator. The more a criminal gets away with a crime, the more emboldened they are to continue committing it. Your silence could doom another to the same fate.
You are not sinning by turning the person over to local government authority - that's their purpose. It is the government's job to dole out punishment. 

Romans 13:3-4- For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil.

Should you live in a wicked place, or happen upon an evil judge who sides with the perpetrator. Give it over to God. He can do more than you could ever dream in terms of vengeance.

Once you have followed all these steps, go to God and get comfort. Most of the time the victim sees the incident as being somehow their fault - it's not. There is nothing that you could have done differently. The fact that they are evil and chose you as their victim would not have been changed had you acted differently. Go to God, find a Christian counsellor, and get help.

And, lastly, be a voice for others. Not everyone will get to walk away. There will be some victims who don't have the ability to speak out and ask for help. Keep your eyes open and your ears alert, and speak for those who can't.

I really hope no one who reads this will actually need it. But I am not naïve enough to believe that these things aren't happening. Don't be the person who destroys their own life, or allows the lives of others to be destroyed, because they thought they needed to keep it quiet. God doesn't say anywhere in Scriptures that we are to keep abuse quiet. Handle it like a Christian; but make certain you take care of it.